When viewers first met Ashley Darby on The Real Housewives of Potomac, she made history as the youngest cast member on any franchise. Her first few seasons displayed unprecedented vulnerability, with her opening up about the power struggle within her marriage to a man 29 years her senior and the complexities being married to a man of wealth brought to her family that didn’t come from similar means. She also fought against rumors related to her now ex, Michael Darby’s, sexuality. Fast-forward to now, Ashley is single, raising her two boys, focusing on rediscovering and refining who she is, and not nearly as “messy” as she’s been perceived to be in the past.
The Season 9 reunion promises to answer it all. But Huger is noticeably absent, marking the first time a housewife has missed a reunion as she entered a treatment center to address her issues. In a recent chat with Blavity’s Shadow and Act, Ashley gave her take on all the hot topics from the season and where the show goes from here.
I think we had a very good season. I feel that we obviously had some new ladies who joined the group, and it was nice. It was like a little surge of vitality, and I loved it. … I think it was a great season, one of our best.
Well, initially, I didn’t think Stacey was a good fit, in full transparency. I felt that she was just a little too guarded, and as you mentioned, it can be difficult to join an ensemble show almost a decade in. So I understood it, but at the same time, girl, you gotta either s**t or get off the pot. But thankfully, she really showed up, and I think that is because we had a lot of discussions off-camera just about some of the logistics of how you can feel more comfortable opening yourself up and really trusting the process — and as difficult or as foreign as it may be to be so vulnerable and open, that it really does pay off in the end. And I think Stacey took that to heart, and now, you know, she’s thriving.
So, I was optimistic that we’d be able to get to a good point, but it was very unknown to me — and even during the course of filming — some of the things that Keiarana felt about me came out, things that she hadn’t previously shared with me. And I know it was uncomfortable for her and difficult for her to have those discussions with me, but I’m glad we did because it has allowed us to move so far into a good place. And the woman who I know Keiarna to be is who I now get to call a friend. So, I’m, of course, I wish that [the fight] didn’t happen. It makes me cringe every time I think about it. But I’m thankful that Keiarna and I have been able to move past it, for sure.
I have a soft spot for Jassi. I think that she’s just so fiery. Initially, she came in super hot and then maybe she, like, kind of cooled off a little bit. But, thankfully, Jassi — she does come back in full force, and we get to see more of her personality. I was just kind of worried whether or not she was gonna keep playing with us. But she did; she actually did show up.
I started that relationship at 22 years old. That relationship was 12 years of my life. I really had to learn who I am, and through a lot of support from my friends and family that I rediscovered that I really am a bad b***h.
The real answer is I don’t know because I have been very fortunate that I’ve met some great guys and girls, to be honest. And so I’ve enjoyed them, you know, going out on dates and like going to dinners and having these conversations and hearing about what their goals are for the future. Some of the times, I hear what they want, and I thought I wanted it, and then when I hear someone else say that, I’m like, ‘Hm, maybe that’s not where I see myself.’ So, it’s been a lot of adding and subtracting what I want, but, ultimately, I’m not really sure yet. I don’t know.
I feel that I had a responsibility to my marriage to be a very respectful and dutiful wife. That was my goal. Now, at this phase of my life, I’m really living for myself. And in addition to pursuing what I want and trying to really understand what just gives me my spark and my flame, I’m also trying to figure out what kind of role model I want to be for my sons. And, ultimately, I know that I want my children to be their full self to lead their life with all of the zest and the life and the vitality that they possibly can. And I really have to do that by example. So, if I’m going to be the role model of who I want my kids to be, then yeah, I really need to start living fully and embracing every part of who I am.
AD: Well, I understand the fans’ frustration because when I first started this process of being on Housewives, I was ready; I was an open book. I was ready to share it all, bear it all. I felt like I had a responsibility to do that. And I, it’s interesting because I think I started full force, where some of the other ladies maybe started a little more guarded and opened up more, and I did the opposite. I came out full frontal. And because of the nature of what’s been happening with my separation and my divorce, I’ve sort of had to pull back a little bit, and I don’t think people like seeing the other way.
It’s a mixed bag of emotions because I do feel a little duped about the whole situation. Considering now what we know and the gravity of what we know, I wish that Karen had been a little more forthcoming because I think then maybe she could have gotten some good advice from people who really care about her.
But to have been so guarded about it and keeping it close to the chest, it didn’t really give any of us an opportunity to be like, ‘Hey, have you considered X, Y, and Z?’ Because we’re not lawyers, but we’ve seen a thing or two, and I think that we could have been more helpful to Karen in the process if she had just been more vocal about it. Ultimately, I’m just really glad that Karen is getting the help that she needs. It’s really unfortunate that it got to this point and that she really had to be publicly humiliated the way that she was. I hated watching that. I’m really sad that it got to that point, but, you know, everything happens the way it’s meant to.
We all speculated about it, but ultimately, no, none of us knew until the actual day came.
Well, of course, it was a very big topic of conversation, but just like we couldn’t directly talk about it then, we also couldn’t directly talk about it at the reunion, so it wasn’t like much changed because she wasn’t there. So it was, I think, a little bit, we felt a little shortchanged by not being able to actually address these things and talk about them because it had been so “hush-hush hush-hush, I can’t talk, I can’t talk.” So when can we talk?! When is the moment gonna come?
I definitely think Karen realized that she needed to get help, for sure. It’s sad that it got to the point that she had to see herself that way in order to make that choice, but I do think she knew ultimately that, yes, she really needed some help. But of course, we would all be remiss to not acknowledge that the timing is just very suspicious. We’ve known about the date of the reunion for a while. All of us knew. We get that information well in advance. The timing of that, it’s like, ‘Man, we all see what you’re doing.’ It’s very transparent. But again, just glad she’s there, and I am very happy she’s getting the help she needs.
I mean, it’s the mixed bag of Mia. On the one hand, I feel like Mia was more herself and more open in a way that we hadn’t seen before. But on the other side of that, the flip side is I feel like it was an orchestration, and I feel like Mia had a flow chart somewhere in her house, or in her phone, and she just had this little list of what she was gonna say and do and everything just felt like it was for shock value. And we were trying to genuinely, emotionally be there for her and be invested and help her as like this is some real hot s**t. It’s not, ‘Oh girl, my hair won’t grow. Give me some tips.’ We’re literally talking about you saying you may not know the father of your child. This is some very heavy stuff.
So, why can’t we be forthcoming and truthful about the nature of the situation rather than you trying to put sauce on everything and making it a big thing? It feels very strategic. And I don’t appreciate that. I don’t appreciate that in the end.
I certainly never anticipated almost a decade ago that we would be having these sorts of discussions. I don’t have these sorts of discussions in my regular life. So, it was very shocking to me that that’s the road we went down. I have always known that Mia is sort of an out-of-pocket person. She’s not conventional in any way. She is like all over the place all the time, but even I couldn’t have anticipated that this is where it would go.
It’s hard for me to say because I do trust the process of this show. I’ve always trusted the process, and I think that what is meant for the show will naturally stay, and what is not good for the show will just go. It’ll be like an osmosis. So, hopefully, whatever is best for the franchise will happen. And if that is that Mia finds herself not here next season, so be it. If it finds that maybe Mia is more forthcoming and truthful and not taking
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