
This story mentions thoughts of suicide. If you are at risk, please stop here and contact 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline for support.
Indianapolis Colts stalwart right tackle Braden Smith missed the final month of the 2024 season while he was away from the team, tending to what was described as a "personal matter."
The Colts, protecting Smith's privacy, were vague about his absence while proclaiming their support for his wellbeing. Now, after months of working to correct the issues, Smith and his wife Courtney have told their story to Joel Erickson of The Indianapolis Star.
Smith was battling through a type of obsessive-compulsive disorder known as "religious scrupulosity," which had taken over and become too severe not to deal with in a more intensive manner.
“I was physically present, but I was nowhere to be found,” Smith told Erickson. “I did not care about playing football. I didn’t care about hanging out with my family, with my wife, with my newborn son. … I (felt like) was a month away from putting a bullet through my brain.”
Smith described his internal state of being as one dealing with constant guilt, which would require prayer and repentance but done in a way that would attempt to satisfy his perfectionism. He was both physically and mentally drained.
"Smith felt he had to repent perfectly for every single sin, then started questioning his motivations or his delivery for his repentance, sending him further into the hole," Erickson wrote.
The Colts placed Smith on the Non-Football Injury list on December 14 after being away from the team for the prior two weeks. In all, he was away for the final five games of the season
After therapy and rehabilitation that took Smith through Colorado and Mexico, Smith now feels much better and like a new version of himself. He has a renewed desire to play football, but specifically for the Colts and those who had been with him throughout his career.
“I wasn't here last year. I was physically here, but I wasn't,” Smith said. “I want to be me again here, and I want the people around me to experience that, because I do feel like I do have something to offer the people around me.”
The Colts reworked Smith's contract in March to offer the team more financial flexibility elsewhere while still showing faith in their right tackle. Smith's new contract is for one year with an $8 million base, plus another possible $3 million through performance incentives. He represents a $10.4 million cap hit in 2025.
Before his contract was redone, Smith had one year left on a four-year, $70 million deal that he signed in 2021 and was due to count nearly $20 million against the salary cap in 2025.
The Colts now have their right tackle back in the fold, and Smith has a sense of peace back as well.