Iâm starting to think that this entire season of Southern Charm shouldâve been set in Jamaica. Thereâs something about these very white people being trapped at a resort in the sweltering heat, guzzling complimentary cocktails every five minutes and burning to crisp, thatâs really awakened everyoneâs senses.
The cast is especially on edge after someone told Page Six about Austen and Taylorâs secret makeoutâwhich was reported in the tabloid as âhook up,â leading to even more questions about what really went down. Now everyone is amped-up all over again by this dramaâexcept for Craig, of course, who can divert attention from the fact that his girlfriend is missing from this trip. Thankfully, Shep brings up Craig and Paigeâs phony dynamic by the end of this episode.
On day 2 of their vacation, the group, minus Whitney, go on an excursion where they climb up a waterfall. On the way there, Madison tells Craig, Taylor, and Austen about her plans to have a second baby and start having a discussion about how human and chicken eggs are fertilized. Taylor also seems to have just Googled what a menstrual cycle is. She earnestly asks Madison, âDo you know that, every month, you lose thousands of eggs??â
In the other van, JT is telling Shep, Rod, Venita and Olivia about his nightcap with Taylor. We see footage of the two spitting shots of alcohol into one anotherâs mouths, with JT flirting way too hard. They also get into the Page Six article that came out that morning. Oliviaâs confused about the timeline of Austen and Taylorâs makeout, since Taylor told her it happened right after last seasonâs reunion in New York. But the report says it happened recently. Could the article be referring to Taylor and Austenâs sleepover that JT outed earlier this season, which everyone seems to have forgotten about? Would anyone be surprised at this point if he tattled to the press?
Anyway, both groups arrive at their separate waterfalls where they ride a zipline and do backflips into the water. (What is it about men that they must show off their gymnastic skills whenever they enter a body of water?) Craig is also acting like heâs getting the real island-life experience by eating grilled fish at a cove and not at a tourist stop that white people visit all the time.
Afterward, Craig, Austen, Madison, and Taylor all sit down to discuss the article. Madison suggests that Taylor and Austen talk to Olivia together and assure her that they didnât have sexâwhich is what they shouldâve done from the beginning, if they really wanted to get away with this lie! Craig also offers some surprisingly sound advice, which probably came from Paige. He tells Taylor that, if she wants to salvage her friendship with Olivia at this point, she canât still be friends with Austen. Throughout this whole debacle, Taylor has prioritized her relationship with Austen. And I do think Olivia needs a major sign of loyalty to move forward. Also, literally no one needs to have Austen as a friend.
After the excursion, they all go back to the resort to get ready for dinner at a restaurant called Ms. Tâs. When they arrive at the establishment, the cast goes inside while Olivia stays back in the van to FaceTime Leva, whose only function on this show is to give her dumb, white co-stars advice it seems. She tells Olivia that itâs obvious Taylor and Austen have touched PPâs at this point. She also suggests he talk to JT, whoâs apparently picked up Taylor from Austenâs house several times. (Watching Oliviaâs jaw drop further and further throughout this convo is hilarious.)
Olivia finally goes inside and asks to switch seats with Rod, so she can get some intel from JT. JT tells her that Austen and Taylor have had multiple sleepovers. And we see unseen footage of Taylor telling him that itâs a regular thing and that she even slept over Austenâs house while he was dating Olivia. (Yikes.)
On the other side of the table, Taylor tells Shep how annoyed she is that this scandal keeps escalating. And Shep is being suspiciously comforting and obviously manipulative. He tells her that everyone at the table âhas her back,â which is not trueâbut especially in his case. In a previous scene, he said that she was âdangerous,â and heâs spent this entire season painting her as this hysterical, sad woman to the rest of the guys. Shep clearly knows how gullible and vulnerable Taylor is and is having a fun time messing with her.
Then Craig decides to make these side conversations a group conversation. He tells Olivia very loudly that Taylor feels bad about her actions while Austen doesnât. This leads to Olivia going in on Austen like she did at the pheasant dinner. And JT jumps in. (Iâve noticed he has to stand up every time he wants to get a point across, probably because heâs short.) Rather predictably, Austen tries to make himself the victim of this whole fiasco.
On the other end of the table, Taylor starts crying and says sheâs âphysically and emotionallyâ worn out from this discussion. Shep stands up and tries to get everyone to go back to the hotel. But Craig, wearing his producer hat, wants him to sit back down so they can continue arguing.
This is when Shep brings up the other elephant in the room, which is that Paige is missing from this vacation that was solely planned for her to get to know the group. âYou get off scot-free because your girlfriend lives in New York,â he tells Craig, âand your relationship isnât under a microscope.â Shep continues to mock Craig and Paigeâs long-distance relationship, implying that itâs not legitimate.
Craig stands up to leaveâwhich is ironic after he scolded Shep for wanting to leaveâand says that he gets off âscot-freeâ because he doesnât cheat on his girlfriend. This is a valid point. Shepâs relationships wouldnât be as scrutinized if he was a borderline decent guy. But the fact that Craig doesnât have to show his relationship, outside of the obviously practiced scenes he has with Paige whenever she visits, is arguably frustrating.
Then, Shep brings up the cheating rumors that Taylor brought up in the season premiere. Just like that confrontation, Craig is already out the door before he can respond. As much as I want to believe that thereâs some validity to these accusations, Iâm having a difficult time envisioning Paige, the laziest woman in the world, having a side piece on top of a long-distance boyfriend. I also havenât seen any rumors about Paige cheating on Deuxmoi or Reddit, which is where all Summer House news breaks. However, Iâm open to being wrong for the sake of another Bravo cheating scandal. Shep better have some receipts next week!