Rachael Kirkconnell revealed that she and ex Matt James were in contact after she shared her side of their breakup story on the “Call Her Daddy” podcast.
“We did have a conversation after the podcast and, again, I think if he ever wants to share his side of it and his story then he’s more than able to, of course,” Kirkconnell, 28, said on the Wednesday, March 26, episode of “The Squeeze” podcast. “I think that hearing certain things come from him helped me a lot. I think that, you know, not only did he apologize for things, but he took a lot of things back.”
She continued, “Of course, that was really hard to hear and it was really sad and it hurts — I don’t know. Sometimes I tell myself it was so nice to hear the things I had been wanting to hear for weeks and I finally got that apology and that closure and that honesty that I needed from him. But it still didn’t change anything for me. It still happened. He still did what he did and we still had to navigate everything after that.”
In January, James, 33, made headlines when he announced via Instagram that he and Kirkconnell had called it quits after four years of dating. Days later, Kirkconnell revealed during an appearance on Alex Cooper’s “Call Her Daddy” podcast that the former Bachelor shared the post three hours after he broke up with her in Tokyo.
While reflecting on their relationship, and the aftermath, Kirkconnell admitted that she “totally” forgives James and has “no bad feelings” toward him. However, she claimed that it “doesn’t change” the events that transpired.
“I think you can forgive someone without, you know, taking them back or wanting to work through things or whatever it may be. I think you can forgive someone and accept their apology but then keep moving on,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be just relationships, this can go as friendships, family, anything. You can accept their apology and you can believe that they are being sincere but it doesn’t mean you have to have them back in your life. It doesn’t mean, ‘Oh, I forgive you, let’s try this again.’ Or, ‘Oh, I forgive you, let’s be friends again.’ Because at the end of the day, if you know it’s still not right, and what they did is still not OK, you don’t have to take them back into your life, if that makes sense.”
As she moves forward, Kirkconnell shared that she now has a different perspective on their split than she initially did.
“I think that I have come to the realization that a lot of it wasn’t me, or my fault or my problem. And I do think it helped that I had that conversation with him and I heard those things from him,” Kirkconnell said. “But even if I hadn’t, I think that is so important to acknowledge it for yourself, like, ‘It wasn’t fully me. It wasn’t 1,000 percent completely my fault.’”
She continued, “I think that’s easier said than done. I think you just have to constantly remind yourself, like, as much as someone is wanting to put the full blame on you, that’s just not the case. There’s a balance to everything and I’m sure we both said and did things that we shouldn’t have said or done. At the end of the day, we just weren’t compatible on some things. We both have things we need to work on. And that’s OK.”
While Kirkconnell and James had a “conversation” after their split, she shared that the pair are not in regular contact.
“I feel like one of the big questions right now is, ‘Are you in contact?’” Kirkconnell said. “We are not in contact. I have not been texting him, I have not been calling him, don’t worry.”
Kirkconnell also weighed in on whether would consider rekindling her relationship with James — or whether a friendship is in the cards for the exes.
“People are going to kill me for this, but I still do wish on some level we could be friends. Because he was my best friend. I’ll try not to cry. Of course, he was my best friend for years. We were friends before boyfriend and girlfriend in our relationship. Not every relationship is like that. Sometimes I would even look at him and be like, ‘Are you actually in love with me?’” she said. “For me, at times, it was like, it really does feel like we are best friends.”
Kirkconnell noted that she “loved” being best friends with James in their relationship “for the most part,” and it is something she wants in her future partner.
“It’s a possibility, maybe, sometime down the line. I’m still trying to — not support him — but I want him to be OK. There’s so many things, so many layers, that not everybody knows. Some things are just between us and it’s private and not everyone needs to know everything,” she said. “There is a part of me that I will always be rooting for him and hope he’s doing OK. I would love to — maybe someday, not anytime soon, don’t worry guys — but I don’t know, a couple years from now or something, if we were to run into each other at an event or something, I would love to be able to sit and have a conversation and have a laugh and catch up. I don’t think either of us has any bad blood or ill will toward each other.”
She continued, “We don’t have to be friends, but friendly would be nice. I do want him to be happy, it doesn’t have to be with me. I said that from the beginning of our relationship, I said that to him on the show. I’m like, ‘At the end of the day, I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.’ And I still feel like that today to this day. I just want both of us to be happy even if it’s not with each other.”
