‘RHOBH’ Reunion: Dorit and Sutton Finally Face Off

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills may hold diamonds in their intro, but they much prefer to clutch pearls.

That’s how we just spent an entire reunion episode discussing Kyle Richards’ text to Dorit’s ex-husband, and Sutton Stracke’s snide remark about the size of her wallet. In Beverly Hills, the weight of every little word travels far and wide, and the worst thing you can do is be a bit catty and biting.

After all, these shows are just as much a reflection of their location as they are of the women themselves, and nothing quite speaks to the passive, fake L.A. culture like a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Rarely does anything fully resolve, instead swept under a rug to be pulled out once again the next season.

Take, for example, Kyle vs. Garcelle, a feud entirely born out of the duo’s differing opinions of what is fair game and what isn’t. To Kyle, everything about her and Morgan is her business and no one else’s, going as far to reveal… something… to Garcelle and Sutton off-camera, something she expected the ladies to keep secret. Whatever that may be we can only speculate, but it’s not exactly hard to add up such a simple equation.

Here’s the thing: whether or not Kyle is in a relationship with Morgan Wade is (mostly) inconsequential. Whether or not Morgan truly hates the cameras or that’s just Kyle’s excuse is hard to say. But, as Andy and Garcelle put it, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

If Kyle wants to film a sexy music video with Morgan, get papped at her local gas station, and travel across the country to see Morgan perform, she shouldn’t be shocked when fans have questions. This is the same Kyle who wanted Denise Richards to be “open and honest” about a possible affair with Brandi Glanville, after all.

And the Erika who agrees with Kyle is the same woman who, at this very reunion, said she’s tired of Sutton and Garcelle hiding their real lives. As Sutton said 17 times at Jennifer Tilly’s caviar kaspia lunch, “I’m tired of it.”

Kyle vs. Garcelle is a frustrating feud, as they’re both too buttoned up to say what they really feel. They both understand the weight of their words a little too well, so whatever darts the two lob at each other miss the mark.

That leads us to Kyle vs. Dorit, a more approachable feud, but one that truly has no depth. As much as I enjoy the merry-go-round, the motion sickness just isn’t worth the same old thing, every single time. Yes, Kyle was wrong to text PK. Sure, it’s weird she texted him again in Oceanside. And of course, Kyle’s given a million conflicting explanations about the closeness of her friendship with Dorit.

But ultimately, neither Kyle nor Dorit wants to get into the gutter and get ugly. We can theorize that it’s because they’re in an unbreakable alliance, or, the more boring answer is probably: They actually like each other. After four years of Kyle and Dorit ups and downs, I simply have to assume that’s the answer, as they’ve had many a moment to go scorched Earth, and never done it.

It’s kind of funny, given that so many fans want the Housewives to be real friends, not just TV friends. Sometimes, true friendship is more frustrating to watch since the ugly squabbles we want to see don’t come to pass, if we’ve learned anything from those three divas on The White Lotus.

Kyle can say that “PK’s been a better friend” and Dorit can expose Kyle’s threats on camera, but the reunion makes clear they’re enmeshed—at least as long as Erika’s here to keep them together. Maybe that’s further reason to remove Erika from the equation…

It’s certainly a reason to put this feud to bed as a centerpiece, and it seems they agree. It’s an interesting dynamic, but Kyle and Dorit work much better on the sidelines. The main event of this season is and has been Sutton vs. Dorit, the funniest, meanest feud RHOBH has seen in years.

After a brief reprieve to laugh with everyone’s favorite friend-of, Jennifer Tilly, we move on to the women’s disdain for Sutton. As Jennifer put it in the finale, “I’m really kind of astonished at how much the girls don’t like you.”

Dorit has thinly veiled her venom for Sutton for years, but it goes all the way back to their first season at that “let the mouse go” dinner. Dorit despises Sutton for fair reasons (she was the first to expose PK’s alcohol issues, she called Dorit poor, she’s the first Beverly Hills Housewife to have an accent that can compete with Dorit’s). And Erika despises Sutton for forcing her to make good TV a few years ago.

Erika is so walled-up that she won’t even reveal to Kathy what her maiden name is. It’s Chahoy, but anyway.

Dorit and Erika have grown so disdainful of Sutton that they see her friendships with the two friends, Jennifer and Kathy Hilton, as classless and inauthentic. How dare anyone like Sutton?

Erika previously said Sutton and Garcelle are “the most guilty of sucking up to Kathy,” which may be fair. It seems everyone sucks up to Kathy in one way or another, as seen with Erika playing nice with her two years after claiming Kathy called a DJ a gay slur. Or maybe Erika “I’m gonna give the gays everything they want” Jayne just doesn’t care who uses the f-slur. I know glass houses are trendy in California, but that’s why you have to be careful when you throw stones.

Dorit, on the other hand, is activated and eager for a good fight. So she’s seriously annoyed that Sutton is quiet and collected at the reunion. Jennifer Tilly speculates that Sutton might be on an anxiety medication, but if there’s one thing we’ve seen in her past reunions, Sutton just isn’t a power player in this setting.

It’s reminiscent of Lisa Barlow and Whitney Rose’s confusion with Heather Gay at The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City Season 3 reunion. They were so prepared for the classic Heather reunion meltdown that they couldn’t handle her “go girl, give us nothing” approach.

Dorit does her best to goad Sutton into saying something she’ll regret, but unfortunately for us viewers, Sutton is choosing her words carefully, for once. She’s on a healing journey, and traveling first class. Sutton can afford it, after all.

But then Dorit pops out a Southern accent, calls Sutton’s stare “beady,” and accuses Sutton of “buying people,” giving it one last college try, which just might move the needle. We’ll have to wait for Part 3 to know, though.

Until then, let’s all live by the same inspiring method as Dorit, preferring to live in a pre-foreclosed house than one on a main road. I, too, hate street noise and love living in delusion.