Amber Portwood is looking forward to the day she can reconcile with her daughter Leah.
The Teen Mom star penned a heartbreaking letter to the 16-year-old amid their estrangement, telling Leah that she's "waiting" for the day she can be forgiven for her part in their strained relationship.
Amber dropped off the note along with a birthday gift with ex Gary Shirley, who has been raising Leah with his wife Kristina Shirley.
"Sweetheart, today is a very special moment in your life," Amber wrote in her message, which was shown on the March 27 episode of Teen Mom: The Next Chapter. "I know we are apart, but you are always and my thoughts, prayers and spirit."
The 34-year-old continued, "As a mother, you never forget your first real feeling of love, and that is when you were born. I will be waiting for you forever. I love you more than words I could write. Happy 16th birthday."
But Leah wasn't exactly moved by Amber's words. As she noted, "I’ve only seen Amber three times since my last birthday."
"I feel like that's more important than one birthday gift," she continued. "That doesn't really make up for an entire year and all times before that she hasn’t been there."
MTV
And for Leah, she still struggles with "abandonment issues" stemming from her past with Amber, who is also mom to son James, 6, with ex Andrew Glennon.
Explaining how she was around 8 to 10 years old when she first realized that Amber "wasn't there," she told Kristina, "It doesn't hurt me that she's not here. It's just the fact that she did in the first place, when she was supposed to be there, is what's affecting me."
Leah added, "It's just an internal feeling that I'm gonna have forever, probably."
Instagram/Gary Shirley
Still, Amber won't give up on making amends. "I just wish she could forgive me one day," the MTV star told her brother Shawn Portwood during a heart-to-heart. "I'll wait forever."
In a separate confessional, she acknowledged that Leah "did grow up in a time where I was at my worst."
"I have to accept this is my life," noted Amber, who has been open about her past addiction struggles during Leah's younger years, "but I just have to keep working and this will not always be this way."
