It’s time for another episode of Teen Mom: The Next Chapter! It’s been a few weeks since The Ashley has settled down on her couch (a la Portwood) and watched this drivel, so let’s get this going before The Ashley changes her mind.
We kick things off in Florida, where is Mackenzie is anxiously awaiting to see if the [Not-Oopsie-Baby] embryos she had transferred will stick. Her IVF doctor told her that she had to wait 12 days post-transfer for a blood test, which will reveal if she is knocked up or not. However, Mack is feeling curious, so she heads down to the ol’ convenience store to buy a pregnancy test she can pee on.
They have Mack head into the aisle with all the condoms and pregnancy tests and buttplugs or whatever and it’s really funny because they have her stand there “inspecting” a pregnancy test box, acting as if she has no idea how these things work, despite the fact that she’s had more unplanned pregnancies than Cate has yellow-stained Tupperware.
Mack is having an “embryo party” the next day (as one does) so she decides to piss on the stick the next day so she can parade it around the celebration if it’s positive. (Nothing says good fun like passing around a urine-soaked stick like a hot potato!)
At home, Mack tells Khess that she plans to take the test tomorrow, but she wants assurance that– if she’s not knocked up— Khess won’t go find some other floozy to knock up. He tells her she has nothing to worry about.
Over in California, Cheyenne FaceTimes her sister, R You Still In Need of a Storyline This Season , while putting up “groceries”– otherwise known as an assortment of pregnancy tests, ovulation kits and prenatal vitamins.
Ok guys…we have officially been watching this show too long when everyone on this trashpit is actually trying to get pregnant instead of worrying they’ll pee out their IUDs or forget to make whichever teenage hillbilly they’re knocking boots with put on a condom. This is just weird when the babies being made aren’t Oopsie Babies.
Cheyenne tells her sis that she and Zach had another visit with the fertility doctor and she’s proud to announce that Zach’s sperm are no longer all filled up with marijuana. He’s now ready to knock her up with another future MTV star/mini-influencer.
Cheyenne says Zach is feeling great about his now-sober swimmers, but tells R that the doctor told her at the appointment that it looks like she doesn’t ovulate, which is why Cheyenne has stocked up on ovulation kits, etc. It was also recommended that Cheyenne start juicing, exercising and finding ways to keep her stress level down.
In the event that Cheyenne makes all these lifestyle changes and is still unable to get pregnant, her doctor told her to come back to explore their next option, which Cheyenne describes as “a step before full-blown IVF.” While R You Planning To Ask Me To Borrow An Egg notes that Cheyenne is taking on “a lot” in her journey for Baby No. 3, Cheyenne says it’s worth it because she really wants a baby…not to mention job security in that her heaving out another kid might ensure they get a third season.
Meanwhile in Tennessee, Maci isn’t focused on filling her baby maker with more kids. Instead, she’s focusing on one of her previous Oopsie Babies, Bentley, who is driving and now taking Taylor to the store to “get a couple of things.” (Tell me you’re having your 16-year-old take you on your beer run without telling me your 16-year-old is taking you on your beer run.)
When Taylor gets back from the beer run, he finds that Maci has gone full “Portwood” on the couch. She’s exhausted from working um… going to school er… cleaning her house um…sewing leather pockets onto T-shirts(?)
Apparently her exhaustion stems from having Catelynn and Tyler over the previous week. Taylor— who is golfing with Ryan soon— is planning to apology for not treating Ryan better after Ryan threatened to shoot him in the head. Or something.
I think that’s nice…
Maci is afraid to rock the boat and bring up the whole “You Threatened To Kill My Family” thing with Ryan now that he’s jolly and sober. She’s not sure that Taylor should bring it up on their guys’ golfing outing. (It does kind of spoil the vibe, ya know?)
Next, we head to Las Vegas where Ashley and her family are celebrating the fact that Tea is back home from her cruise gig. Ashley admits that her mom’s absence was felt while she was back at home taking care of her daughter Holly and her sister Autumn Rosie, while also dealing with her divorce from Bar and Bar’s criminal case.
A few days later, Ashley’s friend Peij stops by, and Ashley tells Peij that she has to go to court the following day so that the judge can sign her divorce decree, as well as set a child support amount and determine custody. Ashley says Tea will be coming with her to the courthouse “for support.”
Ashley admits to Peij that she still loves Bar and will never deny that, but knows they “just can’t be together.” Still, Ashley says that as long as Bar walks the straight and narrow, he’ll always be able to see their daughter. She claims that maintaining this mindset prevents her from becoming a bitter person with wrinkles.
On the day of Ashley’s court hearing, she gets Holly ready for school and tells her that Peij will be waiting for her when she gets off the bus. Ashley then picks up her mom and tells her they have to book it the courthouse because it’s 9:05 a.m., court started at 9 a.m. and they have a 20-minute drive ahead of them.
Um…?
Despite running extremely late, Ashley says she isn’t sweating it just yet, as she assumes she’ll have some time before it’s time for her case to be heard. Thirty minutes later, Ashley is upset to find out that she missed her case being called altogether.
Ashley explains that she was running late because she had to get Holly onto the bus that morning at 8:30 a.m. and then pick up Tea so they could make it to the courthouse by 9 a.m.
If only Peij could have taken Holly to the school bus, or Tea could have met Ashley at the courthouse so Ashley didn’t have to trek it all the way to her house!
Oh…wait. That could have happened.
Ashley tells viewers that she’s irritated that her tardiness has delayed her and Bar’s divorce, noting that, because she was late, she now has to refile the case, pay another filing fee and wait (months) for another court date to be scheduled. While Ashley is visibly annoyed, Tea– who is clearly still in cruise mode– insists that this whole mishap isn’t a big deal, which only aggravates Ashley more.
Ashley calls her sister Chris to fill her in on how the court hearing went– or rather how it didn’t go. Ashley tells Chris that their mom couldn’t understand why she was so irritated and Chris agrees that Ashley has every right to be annoyed, both with the court situation and how Tea responded to it, even suggesting that they should ALL be annoyed by what happened.
Down in Florida, Briana says the evaluation she recently received from Nova’s therapist suggests that Nova is needing to spend time with her dad’s side of the family.
Ok but…why are we reading on TV the evaluation that Nova–a literal child— gets from her therapist? Shouldn’t this be illegal or something? Seriously it feels icky that we know this information.
After some consideration, Briana (rather unenthusiastically) proposes to Nova and Stella that she invite some of Devoin’s family to a get together and the girls (equally unenthusiastically) agree.
Later on, Briana tells her mom, Roxanne, about the mini-family reunion she’s planned, revealing that she’s extended an invite to Devoin, as well as his mom, Charita, and his sisters.
After a trip down memory lane to remind viewers how the previous gatherings with Devoin’s family have gone down (aka hostile as hell and shoes nearly being thrown), Roxanne surprisingly agrees that it’s time to “let that s**t go” and move on. Briana tells her mom she’s committed to putting her feelings aside for Nova’s sake, presumably as long as Roxanne agrees to put her fighting heels back in the closet where they belong.
Briana also tells her mom during the conversation that she hasn’t spoken to Devoin about the evaluation she received from Nova’s therapist. (Sooo….the kid’s father doesn’t get to know what the therapist said, but the dozens or so randoms who watch this garbage disposal of a show get to know? Got it.)
Bri says she doesn’t even think Devoin is aware that Nova is in therapy. Roxanne encourages Briana to fill Devoin in on what’s going on with their daughter.
We then head back to California, where Chey has come up with a clever way to get her mug some screentime. She heads to the Inside Out Restorative Spa for a “vaginal steaming” at R’s recommendation, telling viewers that heating up her baby-maker may help her reduce stress and increase the chance of her getting pregnant.
Must we? MUST WE?! What’s next? Us getting to watch Gary pop his backne? A segment about Maci shaving the dry skin off her feet?
Cheyenne brings her friend Zaina along for the procedure because, as everyone knows, friends who steam together, stay together. Cheyenne and Zaina throw on matching circus-adjacent jumpsuits before squatting on their respective “yoni steamers” where they proceed to struggle through the 30-minute session.
I, too, am struggling to watch this but nobody cares.
Before hopping off of their steaming pots, Cheyenne tells Zaina about her appointment with the fertility doctor, admitting that she felt kind of defeated after learning that she may be the reason she and Zach haven’t gotten pregnant again, not Zach or his nearly smoked-out sperm.
Cheyenne tells viewers that after having two kids– the first of which was unplanned, she notes– and then going on to have issues getting pregnant again has been “tough.” She also admits that she tends to have “unrealistic timelines for things,” but says she realizes that everything can’t always happen on her time.
Back in Las Vegas, Thanksgiving is fast approaching, so Ashley decides to invite Tea over to her house to clear the air… and to avoid having to single-handedly cook an entire holiday dinner for herself and Holly.
When Tea arrives, Ashley barely looks up from her phone to greet her mom, but eventually tells her she’s still annoyed. Ashley goes on to call out Tea for not understanding that she was irritated the previous day, but Tea argues that Ashley’s moment of irritation shouldn’t have been taken out on her.
Ashley accuses her mom of not taking her feelings into consideration and of villainizing her for getting irritated– a feeling Ashley says everyone experiences from time to time. As the conversation begins to get heated, Ashley and Tea both argue that they are “there for everybody,” only for Tea to then get up and leave, claiming that she doesn’t want any part of the energy happening in Ashley’s apartment.
After Tea exits the apartment, Ashley continues ranting to Vicky the Producer about how much she does for other people and how her mom’s emotions “are not my problem.” She then gets emotional herself, claiming that she’s exhausted from having to walk on eggshells around everyone, including her mom.
Back in Florida, Bri and her family meet up with Devoin’s family at a snow park to go ice skating and tubing. Unfortunately, though, Devoin and Charita are both unable to attend. Despite not having everyone together, the get-together goes off without a hitch and the two families actually manage to have a good time.
Before leaving the snow park, Briana invites Devoin’s sisters to join her family for Thanksgiving at Roxanne’s, making a point to let them know that their entire family is welcome to come. The sisters RSVP “yes” on the spot before the families go their separate ways.
The next day, Briana receives a call from Devoin, who reveals that he treated himself to a Detroit Pistons game the previous night…ya know, while she was out with HIS family and spending time with THEIR daughter. Devoin goes on to tell Briana that he also found time in his busy schedule to purchase a flight back to Florida for Thanksgiving, noting that he received an invite from Roxanne via text.
While Devoin seems apprehensive about the holiday plans, Briana lets him know that it’s what Nova wants. Devoin says he can’t speak to that, as he’s been trying to talk to Nova, but she hasn’t answered his calls or texts in weeks. Devoin goes on to ask Briana if Nova is mad at him, to which Briana doesn’t really respond. She does, however, tell him that she wants to have a conversation with him “about Nova and stuff” while he’s in town.
Back in Tennessee, it’s golf day for Taylor and Ryan. Mimi Jen has done a great job of washin’ and pressin’ Ryan’s golf clothes and he’s looking downright spiffy! They take off in the golf cart and Ryan tells Taylor that he and Amanda are moving into a bigger house that will have room for their soon-to-be born Oopsie Baby, as well as Amanda’s son. They’ll even be room for Bentley to come hang out, although I can’t imagine a teenager would want to hang out with that motley crew.
(Jokes aside, Ryan looks good, healthy and is even downright jovial. His personality is pretty funny, so it’s no wonder Maci Amanda’s in love with him.)
Taylor commends Ryan for doing so well with his sobriety. He says that he wishes he had met sober Ryan first, rather than “drugged-out, driving with his eyes closed” Ryan.
Taylor admits he didn’t handle the Ryan situation the correct way back in the day, and Ryan is totally understanding of how Taylor treated him, given that he was, indeed, a big ol’ ball of loser back then.
“I was a knucklehead, actin’ like a knucklehead, gettin’ high all the time,” Ryan admits, before thanking Taylor for stepping up to raise Bentley when he was out knuckleheadin’ around and whatnot.
Ryan and Taylor pinky-promise that they won’t, you know, threaten to kill each other or anything if things “get rough” again. Instead, the vow to golf it out.
In Florida, it’s the day of Mack’s “Embryo Party.” She takes Gannon to the bakery to pick up some “sperm and egg cupcakes” (as one does) and Gannon regales her with the hardships of chicken fatherhood. He tells her it’s tough being a single dad to a bunch of poopin’ chickens.
(I think someone wrote a country song about that, didn’t they?)
Soon, the cupcakes are ready and Mack is thrilled to see the frosting sperm and eggs staring back at her.
This show is so freaking weird, I swear…
Soon, an assortment of randoms arrive at Mack’s house to celebrate her fertility and/or snack on the giant box of SlimJims that Mack has acquired for this fiesta for some reason.
Those SlimJim beef sticks do not come free, though. Mackenzie tells all her party guests (including Gannon) they get to “tickle her uterus.” Thank the Baby Jesus God Leah she’s just talking about playing a pin-the-sperm-on-the-egg game, though. (That’s a sentence The Ashley never thought she’d type.)
After the sperms are stuck, everyone munches on the cupcakes and SlimJims. While her guests are slamming processed meat sticks into their gullets, Mack uses the opportunity to sneak off and take her pregnancy test.
She emerges from the bathroom and calls Khess in so they can read the test together. They are thrilled to find out that Mack IS indeed pregnant.
Finally, we check back in with Briana. Devoin has arrived in Florida for his free meal. Oh…and time with the kids or whatever. He heads to Roxanne’s house, where we find Briana’s sister Brittany and brother-in-law, as well as Charita, Devoin’s sisters Kayla and Biggie, his dad and his aunt Yvonne. Over dinner, Roxanne tells Devoin that he looks healthy and “shiny,” to which he informs her that he’s also doing well financially, and is currently making $50 an hour at his job in Michigan.
Because of how well things are apparently going for him, Devoin says he doesn’t plan to leave Michigan anytime soon– a statement that seems to garner a look of surprise from Roxanne, Briana and Nova. Instead of commenting on Devoin’s remark, however, Briana thanks everyone for coming to dinner, calling it “the greatest Thanksgiving ever.”
As everyone begins cleaning up, Briana decides it’s a good opportunity to talk to Devoin about Nova, so she goes outside to find him lurking in the driveway. Briana tells Devoin about Nova being in therapy. She also touches on the evaluation that the therapist did, before pulling out a folder full of paperwork for Devoin to keep– and presumably read. Briana tells Devoin that the paperwork explains how his leaving “affects Nova so bad,” and shows how much she wants him back in Florida.
After informing Devoin of what’s going on with Nova, Briana asks Devoin what he plans to do.
Devoin tells Briana that the information she’s given him is “a lot to process,” though he heavily suggests that he isn’t planning to relocate (again) any time soon. He does, however, acknowledge that Nova has changed since he left, telling Briana that Nova no longer texts him. Briana says that she noticed that, too, and when she asked Nova about it, she explained that ignoring her dad was her way of telling him that she was angry.
Briana later tells viewers that she did her part by talking to Devoin about what’s going on with Nova and now it’s up to him to figure out what he wants to do about it.
