Normally, when a significant hockey personality leaves his job – fired or otherwise – it's customary for that person to deliver a farewell address, good or bad.
Alas, I'm still awaiting the good-bye speech of Peter Laviolette.
However, all signs indicate that it will be delivered sometime after the moon comes over the mountain. (Bear Mountain, if you like.) And likely never.
But since Pistol Pete has exited not-too-gracefully it behooves The Maven – as a public service to Rangerville – to guess what Lavvy might have said as if he really bade goodbye to his followers
For that, I'm dusting off the trusty (fictitious, of course) Thought-Recording Machine so we could at least get an idea of what the ex-Blueshirts leader was thinking of the roster that cost him his job.
ABOUT IGOR SHESTERKIN: "Put it this way; Henrik Lundqvist he was not. Rich man, he will be. But when I needed him to rescue us during the homestretch, he reminded me of Steve Buzinski, The Puck Goes Inski. Between you and me, I liked Jonathan Quick better."
ABOUT ADAM FOX: "When we were on our 'Stanley Cup or Bust' crusade last season, I thought Foxy would get us into the Final Round. I guess that injury slowed him down but that was no excuse for this year. Geez, half the time I mistook Adam for Zach Jones."
ABOUT MIKA ZIBANEJAD: "I put my job on the line for this song-and-dance guy. I kept him on the power play half a season longer than I should have because I figured that sooner or later he'd deliver. Guess what? It was like waiting for the Staten Island Ferry."
ABOUT THE BREADMAN: "Geez, I really liked Artemi – in the regular season that is; but in the playoffs – OY! I could never figure if he was getting hit-shy or worn out, or what. But a postseason hero? NOT!
ABOUT CHRIS KREIDER: "The less said the better. Chris Drury said it all when he told the world that Kreids was up for a trade. Well, that screwed things up, didn't it? In fact I said too much already."
ABOUT MATT REMPE: "I still can't figure out why everybody loses this guy. I mean anybody can be tall but not anybody could be a real hockey player. Maybe, Mike Sullivan could turn him into an asset. I couldn't. OK, OK, one more thing: he'll look good as a Bruin. But the Bruins won't."
ABOUT WILL CUYLLE: "If I had sixteen versions of this guy, I'd still be the coach. Trouble is, Drury would still be my manager!"
ABOUT CHRIS DRURY: "If he had gotten me sixteen Wills, there would have been a way. And, by the way, when was the last time he stuck for me? Oh, I know; when GM was still making Pontiacs!"
It's time for a genuine Pistol Pete farewell; so here goes:
Bowing from the waist, Sir Laviolette waves to Dancin' Larry – the only one left in the adoring crowd and yells, "I love your act, Pal, but I gotta run to my next coaching job." Then, a pause and a smirky smile: Then he whispers to himself: "Funny, how they all fall for my act. Y'know, I remind me of Mike Sullivan!"
-1744428486-q80.webp "BRONCOS EYEING EDGE DEPTH: Former Chargers Pass Rusher Chris Rumph II Gets Tryout in Denver")